Jockey Wilson Said . .

I have decided to reply to the guy with the witty email. He may have realised the error of his ways. I checked his profile again tonight and he has re-written it, the offensive age parameters have been adjusted from 25-40 to 30-45. Anyway, there were a few positive points to his email:

1. he lives in Glasgow (I love Scottish accents)

2. he is a fireman (every woman has had a fireman fantasy at some point in her life)

3. he mentioned Double Indemnity as being his favourite film. I love a bit of film noir.

I shall ignore the fact that he signed off his email with a rather pretentious 'ciao' and said he eats 'a careful diet'. Do you think that means he oven-bakes, rather than deep fries, his Mars Bars? I eat a careful diet too. I always remember to unplug the toaster before wrangling my crumpets out with a kitchen knife. Healthy eating: it's really not rocket-science.

Madam Noir said today that she thinks most men just 'don't get' my sense of humor. I think she is right. I am sure I shall manage to offend the bloke somehow in my reply to him.

But, I must share with you one of the most amusing emails I've received thus far. Yes, even more bonkers than the one-legged Songs of Praise session musician. Listen to this confident and impassioned approach:

im genuin and hope to find the write person. im 5"8 large billed and i dont have much hair.

Seriously, that was the opening line of his email. Large billed!!!! That has to be my favourite spelling-mistake ever (even better than sole-mate). Even his picture seemed chosen to repel. He looked like some kind of 1970's darts player: wobbly beer belly, fag in one hand, pint in the other, voluminous Bernard Manning shirt and lots of jangling Jimmy Saville jewellery.

Ah well. I shall draft a charming yet mysterious response to the fireman and then go to bed.