The mouth is opening, the foot is moving in. . . .

Picture the scene: sharing assembly, Pompous is holding court. He summons one of our special needs boys to the stage. The boy has recently starred in a TV advert and this morning the whole school got to watch his efforts. The advert was for a rural holiday park and little Bobby was playing a boy pestering his mum and day to book a holiday away. The scene was set in a domestic kitchen.

'By 'eck, that was amazing.' blustered Pompous. 'I tell you what Bobby, you were great, but the fella who played your dad. Did you see him? Did you see how he was doing the washing up? He were like this Bobby'

Pompous proceeded to demonstrate a very effete, John Inman-esque mince across a 'kitchen floor' followed by a camp, limp-wristed dishwashing action. He stopped short of using the term 'woofter' . . . but only just.

'You were the star of that advert Bobby. By a long way. Tell me, what do your mum and dad say about your acting? Are they proud of you?'

'Yes, they are sir. But my Dad's an actor too.'

'Really? Talented family! Has he been in anything I've seen?'

'Yes sir. He was in the advert you've just played. He was the man doing the washing up.'