Lack of clock

I've been looking for some time for an Art Deco chiming mantle clock. I managed to track one down last week and it has been delivered today. It is perfect and looks wonderful on my fireplace. The only problem is, I can't get it to work properly. It doesn't sweetly chime, it clucks at me like a disgruntled chicken. And it is running fast. Believe me, the sands of time are trickling too quickly as it is, I don't want to accelerate the process. When I open the back of the clock I am confronted with a perplexing, Harry Potter-esque array of intricate brass cogs and wheels. I am just as likely to split the atom as I am figure out this darn clock.

There are times I acutely miss having a man around for his mechanical brain and general usefulness. Today, sitting here with a clucking clock and a unfitted dishwasher is one of those times.