Bono - sanctimonious tosser, Sting is the runner-up in this category.
Richard Madely - namby-pamby, exfoliating, man at C&A styled, feathery-stroker.
Michael Douglas - no, you're not a 'sex addict', you're an adulterous, lying, cheating, bouffant-haired fanny rat.
Gwyneth Paltrow -oh stop banging on about yoga and mung beans and your stupidly named children.
Bob Geldof - I can't put it better than Russell Brand 'they say there's starvation in Africa, yet Bob Geldof has been dining out on 'Don't They Know it's Christmas?' for years' . . .
Madonna - Haggard, power-crazed, egocentric and talentless. Veiny, muscly arms are not a good look on a woman. (And get your roots done luv, Clairol does a good kit, and they're on 3 for 2 at Boots at the moment).
James Blunt: I admire artists who know when to stop, to recognise when they have peaked. Harper Lee quit after producing one perfect, beautiful novel. She had the world at her feet, but modestly retired to an Alabama porch to drink iced-tea and quietly watch the world go by. James Blunt does not have that gift of prefect timing, or quite obviously he would have quit BEFORE he released his first album and spared the world his torturous, self-indulgent dirgeful caterwauling.