Friday, 10 April 2009

The curious case of the dismantled deck chair

I have had a very nice couple of days. Madame Rouge, my best friend since university, came for a visit. We had not seen each other since her wedding 15 years earlier.

We've had a lovely time, last night we sashayed over to the sea front for a lovely Thai meal by the bracing North Sea.

However, when I got up this morning I was met with a puzzling array of strange occurrences.
  • the garden gate, always locked, was wide open.
  • a large garden fork (that had been in the back garden by my veggie patch) was now carefully propped up by the front door.
  • A pair of loppers had also mysteriously moved to the front of the house.
  • A huge boulder was now sat on my front doorstep.
  • At the back of the house a deck chair had been disassembled and the parts were littered across the patio.
  • A solar powered light had been moved from the flower beds and was sat by the back door.
  • Plants had been trodden on and squashed.
Madame Rouge and I examined the clues, and adopted our most studious Miss Marple expressions. We think we have figured out what happened. Someone has tried to break into the front door, they attempted this with the garden fork, loppers and then obviously planned to just smash the door in with the boulder.

They also tried to break in at the back door. The sticks of wood from the deck chair were probably used to wave through the cat flap in the hope of coming into contact with some keys. The solar powered light was moved to illuminate the process.

Madam Rouge, Kipper and I slept through the whole thing. Kipper has seen off many a ne're-do-well intruder in the past, but he is as deaf as a post now. The whole thing is distressing. The length they have gone to to get in astonishes me. The fact that we were all completely oblivious inside the house is chilling. A terribly handsome PC Adonis came out to investigate. I think he was secretly impressed by our Cagney and Lacey analysis of the clues. However, he reported that no actual crime had been committed and that there was nothing he could do. How infuriating! I would have thought the dismantling of a deck chair would have warranted 5 years hard labour, with occasional flogging.

So, I now feel that getting another dog is essential, maybe my plan of adopting a meek and gentle pooch needs to be reconsidered. I am thinking I should possibly go back for the rabid and clamorous Mojo. Dogs Trust here I come!

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