Oh, what joy! This story has really made me laugh. Sanctimonious, granola-munching, tree hugger Al Gore has been outed as an fanny rat after trying to sexually assault a masseuse named Molly Hagerty.
I am not suggesting sexual assault is a trivial affair. Obviously 'eco-bore' Gore is nothing but a filthy swine, but Ms Hagerty is my new heroine. I wonder if she has a blog. I'd read it. I like the cut of her jib. Listen to this.
She claims that when she began massaging Gore's abdominal area he emitted 'muffled moans' and then requested her to 'go lower'.
She claims he grabbed her hand, shoved it beneath her masseur's sheet, brushing it against his private parts and asked her to 'release his second chakra' - a new-age euphemism for sexual energy.
She claims he grabbed her hand, shoved it beneath her masseur's sheet, brushing it against his private parts and asked her to 'release his second chakra' - a new-age euphemism for sexual energy.
He he. Something tells me that 'second chakra' line will be popping up all over Parma Violet Tea from now on. I love it!
Let's listen to what happened next.
As she tried to leave, she claims Gore grasped her into an embrace. She says she told him he was 'being a crazed sex poodle' and said she began to 'fear rape would be inevitable if I couldn't get out of the room'.
Scream! A crazed sex-poodle! Literary genius! Never mind Al Gore's Nobel Prize for lentil bothering, surely, on the basis of that quote alone, Ms Hagerty is worthy of a Nobel Prize for literature. It gets better.
She claims he then took her into the bedroom and threw her on her back, pinning her down with his body - at which point she says she shouted: 'Get off me, you big lummox!'
At this point in her story I did start to wonder whether Ms Hagerty is actually a character created by Alan Bennett. It was the phrase 'big lummox' that did it. Anyway, another winning line!
Now, did our frail little victim call the police after being mauled by the blubbery sex pest? Of course not. But wait till you hear why she didn't.
Her Left-wing friends (whom she describes as 'the Birkenstock tribe') advised against telling police. One warned her that she should forget it - 'otherwise, the world will be destroyed from global warming'.
Ha! Great rationale though. I imagine Gore uses it a lot.
'Release my second chakra, go on, do it for the polar bears!'
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