Parma Violet Tea

Grinderman

What exactly does Nick Cave have against the North East of England? Last time I saw him in concert I had to travel to Glasgow. Although, that effort was greatly rewarded by the sight of the scowling vampiric cad sporting a hairnet the following morning at our hotel. Oh - and the shopping in Glasgow, of course. I bought myself a beautiful Dower and Hall blood- red garnet ring. I was not as poor in those days.

I was emailed tour dates for Grinderman this week, but was devastated to see that yet again Cave is avoiding me. I am not quite as fond of shouty, angry and fuzzy Grinderman as I am of the darkly romantic Bad Seeds, but I would still love to see them. However, I was also disheartened to see that Cave has shaved off his silent-movie villain 'tache. Consequently, I shall no longer be able to indulge in my favourite sexual fantasy: that of being tied to a railway track by the velvet clad cove whilst he sweeps his cape, twirls his 'tache and laughs demonically. Life truly is one disappointment after another.

I suggested to McFireman that he go see Grinderman in Glasgow. Their particular style of pornographic angst seemed an appropriate soundtrack to his burgeoning mid-life crisis. McF seemed less than impressed. I asked him if he was planning on going.

'Only if there is a fire at the venue.' he retorted. Yes, he is as prickly as ever.

I told him, following my day trip to Teesdale this week, that I felt I had discovered a place that I'd love to live, somewhere I would feel at home.

'Where is that, Transylvania?' he queried.

Michael 'By Jove' Gove

As readers of my blog will know, I have no time for metrosexual, effete feathery strokers. I have even less time for chinless, Tory, metrosexual, effete feathery strokers. Have a look at our new Education Secretary. Michael Gove.

I can't help but wonder how long this guppy-lipped, goggle-eyed wimp would survive at the School of Hard Knocks, or indeed at my local comp.

There has been much criticism of Clegward’s government for the absence of women of the female gender. Dare I suggest there is an TOTAL absence of men of the male gender.

Sigh. Oh for a few more John Prescotts. Can I share with you JP's picture from his Twitter page? It always makes me smile.

Maybe this will be my new benchmark for politicians: could I imagine them in charge of a class of delinquent Year 10s? If not then they won't be getting my vote.