Friday, 20 March 2009

All my pole stars have become falling stars

When Rochester and I were together I remembered to be grateful. I just loved being with him, the fluidity and effortlessness of our connection. I can remember whispering 'thank you' many times, to whomever or whatever it was I needed to thank. I didn't want to take a second for granted. I didn't want to make the same mistakes I'd made in the past. I wanted this to be a gift that I could keep.
I loved his confidence. I would marvel at that, it is a quality so foreign and wonderful to me.

I am struggling now. What do you do with all webs of love and hope that remain? Where do they go? What am I expected to do with them? Ignore them? Repress them? Give them to someone else?

Spring now, everything is verdant and brimming with life. Evenings are soft and golden. I feel as numb and colourless as a ghost.

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